Sunday, May 22, 2016

What's My Age Again?

Well this is the end of my little self portrait project
Photo # 23
Rightfully named after the song from which the name of the series came from
"What's My Age Again"

There isn't much of a concept behind this photo
just kind of a ending image to tie it together
saying basically after all this year and all the stuff I've gone through
age is just a number
every birthday does not mark a charge in who I am
I'm learning everyday

Also fittingly "What's My Age Again?" is posted the day before I turn 24

23 has been a year of learning
and I'm trying to think more positive about the future
I know I'm going to have bad days
but they will pass
just as this year did

Maybe the "badluck" of age 23 was all in my head
maybe the year is cursed
who knows
but it's over now

I definitely don't feel like 24
to be honest I don't feel like 23 either
I don't really feel like any age honestly
anything under 23 seems to young for me to be
but 24 seems older than I feel
(not that 24 is old)

It's like when you're a kid
and everyone in high school seems so old and responsible and cool
I don't feel like I'm anything like what my child self would see a 24 as.
but everything seems big to you as a kid

You learn as a young adult 
that the notion that all adult have it together and always have the answers
is complete bullshit
we all don't know what we are doing
we just pretend we do 

This is kind of a relief, knowing it's not just me
but it's also kinda scary that we may never have it all together
and it'll always just be a guess

But either way we keep on living
keep on learning
keep making it up as we go along

Age is just a concept
but I'm hoping that the mark of 24 years brings me more luck
so here's too a good year!

I just want to thank everyone and anyone who's been following this series
and reading these ramblings I call blog post
and anyone who's help me create the photos/get the props I needed
Hopefully this series will help someone out there feel less alone with their problems
but if it doesn't it definitely helped me

reject photos

was really close to using this one as the final image^


 But went with this one instead

And that concludes "No One Likes You When You're 23"
a self portrait photo series
23 photos inspired by my year as a 23 year old, 
the stuff I've gone through, and stuff I've watched my friends go through



Saturday, May 21, 2016

Coming For You

Millennials
Generation Y
Generation Me
Boomerrang Generation
Peter Pan Generation

Some of the many names of the people born in between 1980-2000's 

I was born in 1992
which is pretty much in the middle of that group

Millennials get a lot of bad rap
We characterized as narcissistic, lazy, coddled, delusional 
more civically and politically disengaged, more focused on materialistic values, 
and less concerned about helping the larger community

"Every kid gets a trophy"
Which was true when I was a kid
at the end of a season of sports / dance
we'd all go away with a trophy

Which supposed trained us to think everything is handed to us easily
to expect the world to do whatever we want
to believe we are special

If this is so, is that really our fault?
The reason everyone got a trophy is because the people who raised us gave us them

Honestly I don't think the trophy thing is so bad
I didn't see it as me being special for getting a trophy
I saw it as everyone gets one, because we are all important
and we all participated so we were rewarded

But as a generation we are put down
called all these negative things
So if we are all these bad things, why are we blamed for it
when we were raised that way?

And yes, some of the characteristics may be true
not true for all though
and they are not going to bring us down because guess what
We are the largest generation
We take up the most population
We are the most educated generation
So if we were all to rise up, we would win
power in numbers right?

The generations above us complain and judge us
saying we are the worst
but I also think they are trying to suppress us in a way
because they are scared

We have some good characteristics that we are known for
Technologically savvy, Pragmatic Idealists, Compassionate, Confident, 
Diverse, Multitaskers, Adventurous, Tolerant, Team Oriented
and I think this scares people
because we think different
and older people tend to not like change

The world is much different now then it was when the Great Generation X was coming of age
college costs more
jobs pay less
everyone has to work
it costs more to live
and many believe since it was easy for them
there's something wrong with us for it not being easy for us

Change is coming
because we are adults now
the world is going to be in our hands
We just need to learn to stand up to those who raised us
(and I'm not saying all our parents did a terrible job)
But the older generations will put us down
won't listen to our beliefs
are too stubborn to change
but we have the power to make changes now
and we are coming for the world. 

A lot of reject photos
I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to go with a more serious or playful look to the image










Decided on using a photo with a smirk
as to say, you've had you're fun but it's our turn now
Final Image





Friday, May 20, 2016

Payday

This is going to be a short post because my mind is all over the place
and I have dungeons and dragons in a half hour 
yes, I'm that big of a nerd
and proud.

So this concept is about the struggle of surviving on minimum wage
which to be fair, I don't exactly have to do yet
but I still have stuff to pay everyone month
and I don't make much at all
I have like a part time part time job so. 

And I also watch my boyfriend 
and my friends who are living on their own
trying to make by on what they make 
sometimes living from paycheck to paycheck

Being adult means bills
and bills suck 
I know that and I've barely dipped my toes in the process of bill paying
water, air, heat, electricity, car payments, insurance, etc
plus groceries and whatever the expenses of your hobbies or social activities
if you have money left over
or not, (credit cards suck too)

I feel like part of the reason you tend to lose friends during adulthood
is that doing things cost money
and a lot of people wont put time into finding things to do that don't cost money
but going out to eat and catch up and stuff, cost money
and as an adult you have to make decisions when it comes to money
and most times living expenses out way the social stuff. 

And if you can't find a good paying full time job in your field
you're usually stuck working for minimum wage
which is like nothing
so sometimes you have to decide what to pay 
based on importance
so you'll pay your bills
buy food to eat
pass on social stuff
and ignore any debt till another time
so the interest adds up

This concept is meant to reflect that
being giving barely any money 
and have to pick between tons of things to put that money towards

reject photos



Final Image



Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Job Market

This is the last concept I had to shoot
so I'm glad to be done that part of the project
3 more concepts after this one and the series is over
crazy

This is another simple concept about the job market 
and how hard it is to find a job

at least a full time job in your field

I've applied to tons of jobs this years
writing a bunch of cover letters 
and I've had two interviews...

Two out of I've lost count how many
the rest I didn't even get a call
to make it worse two of the jobs that didn't call
were from the very college I just graduated from

So the own school I just got a degree in
wouldn't even give me an interview
I guess they don't really care about helping us and our future after we leave
they just care about the money we give them
didn't take them very long to email me asking for donations after I graduated either

So needless to say this year of job hunting was very frustrating
and I'm not sure if it's because I'm not qualified
not good enough of an artist
or if it's just because there's so many people applying

It is sad though, because a lot of jobs want you to have tons of experience
for an entry level job
but how to get experience without a job?
internships?
they aren't super easy to get and paid ones are very rare
and if you aren't getting paid, how do you buy food and afford to live somewhere?

Take internships during college you say?
ok but how when you have all this school work
and still need money to live
you get lucky if you can manage to work an internship

but I don't even think one internship is enough anymore
I've applied to a bunch of jobs asking for 2-4 years experience in a professional job
and these are the jobs that are supposed to be considered entry level?

So I continue my search
maybe 24 will be a better year for job hunting
who knows

I looked all over the place for a "help wanted" sign and could not find one
(though I didnt get to look in a hardware store and Im sure they had them)
and I wasn't about to buy a bunch online for $5 just for one photo
so I had my dad print this sign out

The pose resembles a mug shot and I think it's fitting
because that's kinda how I feel applying for a job
like I'm being stripped down and judged 
waiting to be picked out of a line up

reject photos





final image

The series will be 23 photos, all self portraits. I'll be posting them on my flickr, and instagram everyday until my 24th birthday, which is May 23rd.




Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Masterpiece

Another positive concept!
"Masterpiece" is about accepting and loving your self.
We are all masterpieces in the making
We control the mark we leave on the world, why not make it beautiful?

Everyone has days when they feel bad about themselves
and that's ok, those days happen
but we should all remember that
we are a work of art

everyone of us
Unique, beautiful specimens
with a complex personality 
and the amazing ability to feel love, compassion, hate, fear, empathy, sadness, etc. 

You may not believe "we are all put on this earth for a reason"
and maybe there is no reason for it
but I believe we all have the oppurtunity to use the life we are given to make a difference
it might not saving the whole world
but to some people, maybe even just one person, you can be the world
and you can make a difference to them

The world would suck if we were alone on it
so why can't our reason for life be to help each other?
cause without everyone else, what is life?

childhood are the years of thinking the world is centered around you
teenage years is when you feel like the world is centered around everyone but you
I believe adulthood is when you realize it's both. 

Our life is precious 
it still makes my head spin trying to understand how I am even alive
how organs, our mind, our emotions work
If life isn't proof of magic, then idk what is. 

My years so far as a young adult as been revisiting the insecurities of being a teenager
feeling the hurt and doubt
but also learning from those insecurities
and question them
and decide I don't want to feel that way anymore
learning to accept what I see as flaws

I am not the smartest, prettiest, or most successful person in the world
but I know there are people out there who look at me as if I was
and I look at some of the people in my life the same way
and that is what matters
having people in your life that care

Cause when other people see you one way
and it's the people you care about most
you'll start to see yourself that way too.

So like I've said in past posts
this year I have felt more confident in myself
and it's not that I've gotten prettier, or anything like that
but I know I am loved, flaws and all
and I've accepted my flaws as part of myself
because I am loved despite them. 

I feel beautiful because I know I am loved. 

When you view yourself as a piece of art
think of every choice you make as a stroke of the paintbrush
the more love put into each stroke, will make the art that much better
masterpieces are rarely created without passion 

so live your life full of love
love yourself
love others
lover your enemies
love the world

I am a masterpiece in the making
in the making only because I still have much life to live.
Each stroke on the canvas is my choice
and I choose to make it beautiful

This concept was messy to say the least,
but life is messy sometimes too, hidden symbolism?
a lot of reject photos for this one, it was a hard choice to pick a final image













final image



Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Graduate

Almost didn't write a blog post today
because I'm feeling sick
but I'm currently waiting for my boyfriend to get home
so I figured I'd use the energy I have to write while I wait

All in the name of art right?
(not going to lie, I'm getting sick of writing these)

I graduated last year from Rowan University with my Bachelor's of Fine Art
and about a week later, I turned 23
and thus the year that inspired this series begun


I knew very well going into an art degree was going to be tough job wise
which is why I got an associate's in graphic design
because there's more jobs in that market

At Rowan I kind of let my passion guide me
and ended up taking a bunch of photography class
and no graphic design classes
because I honestly wanted to learn photography
it's what I loved and I wanted to get better at it. 

That's what college is suppose to be right?
I place to learn about the stuff you love
and the stuff you want to do for a living

I'd love to do photography for a living
but it isn't as practical 
and thus frowned upon
"stupid poor art students while never find a job"

This is where the term "Starving artist" comes from
but sometimes picking a practical career choice doesn't always lead to happiness
just usually a better chance of getting a job
but this job may make you miserable for the rest of your life

so what is better
being jobless, poor, but following your dream, enjoying what you do
or having a boring job, that you don't like, spend most of your day at, just to make enough to be middle class

I'm really not sure

One of the characteristics of people around my age
the "millennial"
is more of them are following their dreams
but that is generally looked down upon

Now college was not a bad point
I wouldn't say it was amazing either
and I know there's going to points in my life where I'm going to wish I was back 

Wasn't a party girl
didn't live on campus
so I guess I missed out of some college stuff
but I did manage to make one great life long friend
and kept my best friends from high school too

Would I say the amount of money college cost was worth the education I got
no. 
And I'm going to be paying off these debts for a while.
Many of my other friends will be paying them off longer.

Now, why go to college if the price isn't worth the experience?
because A. like  I said, I wanted to learn some of the stuff
and B. (mostly B), almost every job out there requires at LEAST a bachelors degree
if you even want to be considered

So I graduated with a bachelors
was thrown out into the world with a bunch of debt
and now what?
I try to find a job
1 year out of college and I have yet to find anything

I've always said high school does not prepare you for college
but college doesn't really prepare you for the real world either

So I am kinda stuck hoping I get lucky. 

By the time I found out decorating graduation caps was a thing
I didn't have time to actually decorate mine
which kinda was disappointing
I was an art major after all. 

So this picture isn't what my cap actually said
but it midas well. 


no reject photos today
took the photo around 12:30 today, and edited it about 5 mins ago


Monday, May 16, 2016

Raw

There are a few definitions for the word Raw
here's a few that fit with the concept of this photo

not being in polished, finished, or processed form

not protected,  susceptible to hurt

lacking experience or understanding

 Then there's the term "Raw Emotions"

"Hard, strong and raw emotions such as anger, fear, worry, jealousy, hurt and discouragement may leave you feeling overwhelmed. These feelings can be so strong that you may feel like a victim to them—like they have control over you and your response."


This photo is edited to show all my imperfections
or if you will, to show what my skin looks like
if if were shown under crazy science lights

You can see all the freckles 
all the red splotches
dark areas
scarring

What the naked eye can't normally see

I'm also not wearing makeup

so it's my "raw" form
My form without any armor

In a way, I really am a raw human being
I am still "young" 
newish to the world
new to this whole "adult" thing
vulnerable and scared

There's been a rare few moments this year
where I've actually felt like I look in today's picture

rubbed raw and reeling

And that feeling usually comes from those "raw emotions" listed above
feeling like you lost control
and are at a breaking point

raw skin hurts the most
it's still waiting to be healed
but it does heal

We just have to keep moving
keep on being
because we do heal

We are strong
even when we feel like we can't take anymore
we have to remember, we do heal in time

there's a few reject photos for this one
I had to do some experimenting to get an editing technique I liked
and honestly, these are not pretty pictures






I liked that my lip looked bloody in some of these edits
didn't do that on purpose that's just what the "raw" effect did

Final Image

The series will be 23 photos, all self portraits. I'll be posting them on my flickr, and instagram everyday until my 24th birthday, which is May 23rd.



Sunday, May 15, 2016

Young Adult

I think Britney Spears describes this weird time in life very well

"I'm not a girl
not yet a woman"

Being a young adult is a strange time
it's like you wake up one day
and realize, I'm not a teenager anymore
definitely not a child
but I don't feel like an adult yet

It's an in between time where you're not exactly sure what you are
so you get labeled "young adult"

This time is a little overwhelming
you are still treated like a child
but are expected to act like an adult

You're still too young to be taken seriously
but you're old enough where childish ways are unacceptable

It's been a strange time for me
I don't really feel old
but then I see all the high schoolers
kids from my baby sister's class are in college
and it makes wonder where the years went

I don't know how to be an adult
it's like just being throw to the wolves
and idk when the exact moment I'll stop being a "young adult"
but I worry I still won't know what I'm doing. 

Shorter blog post
but the concept is pretty simple I think
it's about the awkward time between a teenager and an adult


reject photos






final image


The series will be 23 photos, all self portraits. I'll be posting them on my flickr, and instagram everyday until my 24th birthday, which is May 23rd.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

Female (and Slave)

Writing a blog post everyday is hard
I commend anyone who does 
I don't even have that full of a schedule
and it's still tough

Anyway, this is another double concept post
starting with today's photo

"Female"

In case for some reason you haven't heard of feminism
Feminism - the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

It is not hating men
or wanting to be treater better then men
it's about everyone being treated equally and fairly

We've come a long way in terms of women's rights
but it's not equal, not yet

Feminism has become a big movement recently
and I'm hoping it'll help shed light on what needs to be fixed
Though some people think feminism is some awful anti-men movement
It's really just wanted men and women to finally be treated the same

Men are not better than women
Woman are not better than men
We are all humans and we all have rights

The fact that women get paid less than men
and are less likely to get a job over a man
are expected to act a certain way
have to deal with jeers and cat calls
feel the need to go to the bathroom in groups because they are scared
etc.
Is not ok, and I hope this will begin to change

Another big factor with females, is censorship
something I see online all the time now
is the censorship of female nipples
which really doesn't make sense to me
because the nipple is the part that both male and female have
you can show the breast of a woman, as long as the nipple is covered/blurred/removed
but you can show a male nipple?
What's the big difference
Why does it need to be blocked out at all

Why do girls get sent home from school for their bra strap showing
because boys apparently won't be able to control themselves
which im pretty sure the boys would be fine..
but still women are censored

Our bodies
and ur voices
censored
not taken seriously
objectified 

When a female is assertive, she is a bitch
when a male is, he's a go-getter
Something is wrong here. 

As a female, this directly affects me
honestly I always wonder when I apply for a job
did they end up hiring a guy?
was he better than me? or is it cause I'm a girl?
I'm not saying this always happens
but I can't help thinking it sometimes

no reject photos, the first one I edited pretty much nailed it



Yesterday's concept - "Slave"
the idea behind the photo was about how we are all slaves to time

there's this lyric I really wanted to post with this image
but I can't remember it >.<

Anyway
there never seems to be enough time
enough time to life
enough time to sleep
enough time to spend with others
enough time to do what you love

"There's not enough hours in the day"

and it's true
Doing everything that is expected of you, and getting a full 8 hours of sleep
is tough
a lot of time you have to cut out certain things
just to make time for others

I'm scared of getting a full time job
mainly because of the amount of time it'll take from me
8 hours of sleep, 8.5 hours of work, and 7.5 hours to do everything else
and thats not including if you have to drive far for work
and then traffic making it even longer
soon you're at 6 hours to do everything else

6 hours to eat, socialize, do hobbies, relax, take care of pets/kids, pay bills
and everything else, 
and you're probably tired from work

I'm scared im going to not have enough time to take photos, edit photos
or when I do have time, i'll be too tired
I'm already having a hard time making time for this stuff

It's just scary
time doesn't stop
you keep getting older every second
closer to the end of your life every second
missing out on things, doing things you may regret
you can't go back in time
only forward

You're time's slave
everything you do revolves around time

This concept is about my struggle to find time for everything I want to do
and knowing my time on this earth could stop at any moment
trying to make the most of it
scheduling things by the hour
trying to enjoy life, and make a living to have a stable life
hoping time is on my side, and I'll be here a long time. 

reject photos





final image

The series will be 23 photos, all self portraits. I'll be posting them on my flickr, and instagram everyday until my 24th birthday, which is May 23rd.